You know those moments when you just want to have contact with someone? To have a conversation with someone you haven’t heard from in a while, just to see how they are, hear about their life and their random musings And in turn to share the current moment of your life; what you made for breakfast, what anticipations you have for tomorrow, what random thoughts have been sifting their way through your brainwaves all week. It’s like all of a sudden you are in need of a sounding boar, a shape to give new insight and respond to the constant influx of thoughts. New information. New perspective.
When did I stop having people to contact? When did the people in my life become clearly separated into school and family. The people I go to school with are whom I discuss academics and future planning with. They are logical barriers who I can compare my academic self with. But they do not enter new information into my existence, they corroborate what I already know of my education. As for my family, they are the people I listen to, the people I share my dailiy trials and tribulations with. We all have a familiar pattern of neccessary discussion that always leads back to the same sound track. I love you. I’m here for you. You can do it.
How did I run out of categories for the people in my life so quickly? I don’t pride myself on having spontaneous conversation, the conversation in which I partake almost always contains a clear purpose, a problem to be fixed, a task to be accomplished. How did I just now realize the fallacy of this plan? How sad that makes the resonance of my life feel sometimes. People are constantly on the influx into or out of my life, I have learned to make that influx passive, never acting against the necessary, rarely making the effort to call back the important interactions to form something more long lasting. This process has always seemed to work in the past. However, at this very moment, I am questioning whether I should have made an effort to maintain the ties I previously have held with so many in the past. How is it that I have come to a rather empty feeling influx at this moment? I thought I was immune to loneliness.
Simple Musings 